To set the scene, this past weekend my boyfriend and I were talking about engagement plans while touring open houses because we're planning on buying a home together soon.
Needless to say, he's more than just a 'boyfriend' at this point, so the story I'm about to tell you holds a little more weight on the importance of showing up real.
Let’s rewind to 2023 when Adam and I first met. For our second date, he took me (ME?!) to an art gallery. 💀
Now, we were still in that “getting to know each other” phase, so he had built this little persona of who he thought I was in his head.
He knew I went to art school and had a design degree, so naturally, he assumed this was my vibe.
Cute, right? Except... I am not a modern art girly in the slightest. Like, at all.
But of course, I'm trying to play it cool because he clearly put effort into planning this date.
I mean, the man knows I’m a coffee addict, so he insisted on stopping for coffee first — yet, plot twist, he doesn’t even drink coffee. This man doesn’t even like hot beverages. (Honestly, he’s a little bitch about it. Love him, though.) But the coffee stop? Purely to make me smile.
Anyway, back to the gallery. We’re wandering around, and in the back of my mind, I’m just waiting to get to this one specific room that I know is in there.
See, I’ve actually been to this gallery before. Back in my artsy-fartsy college phase, I checked it out to see if it would spark something in me. Spoiler: it did not.
So we get to the room that’s literally just white canvases on white walls, and I can’t help it. I crack a joke about how they must have forgotten to install the art because... seriously, this can’t be real, right?
And that’s when my real personality finally broke through.
The whole refined, classy “art girlie” facade just dropped, and I showed up.
Adam busts out laughing. Turns out, he was just as confused and low-key stressed about not looking cultured enough for me. (L O f*ckin L!)
We spent the rest of the date roasting the art, making each other laugh, and just being ourselves. And it was the best time.
Here’s why I’m telling you this story:
If we’d kept pretending to be who we thought the other person wanted us to be, we never would’ve had that real connection.
We would’ve just stayed stuck in that weird “trying to be the right version of myself” energy instead of realizing, "oh sh*t, this is my person!"
Your brand works the exact same way.
A lot of the time, you think you know what your audience wants to see from you, so you create content that sounds like what you think they’ll vibe with.
You water yourself down or polish yourself up, trying to fit some imaginary ideal of what your brand “should” be.
But your people will only find you when you’re unapologetically YOU.
When you drop the act and show up as you (weird quirks and all) that’s when your people can clearly identify you and be like, “Oh my god, finally. Someone who gets me.”
If your brand is built on assumptions and trying to fit into what you think your audience wants, you’re going to end up with people who don’t fully connect with you. That means awkward client dynamics, people who don’t value your work, or just straight-up burnout from pretending. (Ask me how I know.)
You don’t have to twist yourself into someone else’s vibe just to get clients.
You left corporate for a reason. You make the rules here. You’re allowed to say no to the people who don’t get it. And honestly? You should say no to those who don't get it, because if you're stuck pretending... you're never going to find the right people and realize what's possible when you stop hiding behind that fake, polished version of yourself.
And if you’re like, "Marissa, I just want SOMEONE to pay the bills. I'm fine with settling for the scraps that come my way."
I hear you. I see you. I was you for the first few years of my business. But I can promise you, that’s f*cking exhausting and will never get you to the place you want to be.
In between the hustle of finding clients, take a pause to reflect on how you're showing up.
Are you doing things you actually like to do? Or are you just doing what people on the internet told you to do?
Are you marketing yourself in a way that feels good to you? Or are you stuck in that corporate mindset, trying to seem "professional" just because that’s what feels safe?
You don't have to make a complete 180 overnight, but start paying attention to what vibes you're putting off and whether or not those vibes are attracting the clients you actually want to work with.
Start being more you and watch how the right people start finding you.
Until next time,
Marissa
PS: Have you tuned into my podcast yet? New episodes of Your Brand Is Showing drop every Thursday! 🎧
